so of course being back in the city has been cool- literally it's 20 degrees people. i got off the plane with short sleeves and a vest to the chill of my first breath of fresh air just outside of terminal 2 of jfk. though i rarely get cold i was forced to throw on my ll bean coat so i did not look completely ridiculous as if my jansport leopard print rolling luggage was not enough of a clear sign. it took me a bit over an hour to finally reach home because somehow i managed to get lost on the air train watching myself loop through the terminals while directing my friend through whole foods for the people she babysits for's grocery list when i'd come full circle literally so i decided to get off and reorient myself. thanks to lirr before i knew it i was in penn station and then on the subway home. finally reunited with one of room mates we then smittenly walked down the avenue of the americas to grab some chinese food to christen our reunification. well really she had already eaten dinner and we just sat sipping tea waiting for my "curry rice chicken" (literally what it said on the menu) to arrive. it finally did and it's texture and color was a bit off putting but i was too tired to care and ate half the plate till i found some restraint and handed the waitress the dish and asked for a take out box.

the next morning i woke up to my suit cases still not unpacked, i'd secretly been wishing that a fairy might give a girl a hand and yet no such luck, so i unpacked them and then went out with the wishful hope that whole foods wouldn't be crowded at 1:30 on a saturday. boy was i sadly mistaken. the customers couldn't even fit in the arena of the digital system that organizes them into lines to eventually face the multitude of cashiers. it was then and there that i elected to return tomorrow at 8 when it opened because though the city never sleeps people do exclude sunday from that. i hadn't eaten yet so i settled for a mexican restaurant in the area that had a unnerving amount of signs warning those that they would not serve alcohol without an ID. under normal conditions, like it wasn't bone chillingly cold out and i wasn't starving, i would have let my unsettled self drive me somewhere else but hunger took hold. the restaurant was quaint once inside and despite the kind service my tacos were less than satisfactory.

i then returned to my room and fell asleep watching glee till i eventually resurfaced wandering about the village aimlessly finally settling on a upscale grocery store. which i cannot tell you what possessed me to do this but i then purchased curry sticks & twigs and bumpers (ie "healthy" cocoa puffs but mom's approve?!?). i came back to the room and waited for my room mate annabella's arrival with excited anticipation. when i heard her rustling outside our door to get her keys i swung the door open quickly almost as quickly as i found us hugging a bit at a loss for words. we wandered about the hall finding our friend jake and reminiscing about our good memories of surviving our first semester and running through an impressive amount of pop culture as is traditional. we ran into a few new faces on our floor and most likely overwhelmed them with our enthusiasm, stamina, and just pure words per minute count. we were all happily chatting in the hallway when we began to hear what i can only describe as a swallow on a timer squawking as if it was constantly flying up and down our stair well. concerned bystanders we knocked on our RA's door at midnight so that he could not only confirm that we weren't alone in hearing the bird calls but the hope that he could investigate it and keep us from changing from our pjs into bird watching garb ala those old people in parks (whom if birds didn't terrify i could most easily adore). we all braved the stairway and concluded that it must be the new fire alarm malfunctioning and left it at that. then jake annabella and i talked in our dorm until about 4 am and then hit the hay.

i got up reasonably easy at 8 considering the time my head actually got to rest from itself. i threw on my coat and headed out the door back to whole foods with a new found ambition to complete my grocery shopping with nothing to stop me. i arrived and was glad to discover the store basically empty. i went to the prepared foods section grabbed eggs and yogurt and strawberries, which i don't know why because i never have that in the morning or rather ever, and checked out then climbed the stairs to the seats at the third floor of the over priced health food mecca. but of course the fun didn't end there. i was sitting eating my rather luke warm eggs when i heard hip hop music emulating from someone's headphones. i looked up from my compostable fork and take out box to see a man in his early twenties in jeans (bedazzled backside don't worry) and a tan shirt complete with bejeweled pocket aka ugly sad knock off ed hardy, nikes and pink socks and grey headphones looking into the small mirror whole foods hangs on the wall to add that artificial look of space that restaurants love to inject into their atmospheres. he was practicing his movesss complete with not just tapping his feet but shaking his back side. i shouldn't be surprised by this shit any more but i am never too amazed: just a normal scene for the beginning step up 11 (aren't they there yet and if they aren't they will soon though i wish they'd just give up same to pirates of the caribbean and bring it on) at 8:30 am on a sunday on the third floor of whole foods. but the plot thickens a security guard also grubbing on the whole foods breakfast bar caught my eye and clearly was just as taken back by the young dancing gentleman as i was and mouthed "believe me i know."it felt great to have my confusion verified almost better because it came from an absolute stranger.

when i finished my eggs i didn't stay around just in case he had an encore in his back pocket. i climbed back down the stairs grabbed a cart and began to shop for my groceries (which is a joke because not only do i not have a kitchen in my room or the whole building, i don't even have a proper counter top) so whatever i buy is like cereal or chips or something that takes zero effort to set up. i was in the grains aisle and a not particularly impressive remake of "somebody to love" came through the speakers though i have to say i wouldn't want to be faced with the impossible challenge of out doing queen. not only are they great but they are so confusing that i couldn't understand them enough to remake them and frankly i doubt that they ever understood themselves. but any way the was a whole foods worker stacking dried food boxes and it must have been his jam because he began to belt it out almost rhythmically to the stacking of annie's mac and cheese. it was marvelous. i took the cart escalator back up checked out and then came back and really checked out. i passed out for an hour cat nap only to resurface to accompany annabella down to the "cafeteria" just to reintegrate ourselves together. after a longish "lunch" i guess with the buddies down there we returned to the room. annabella headed to a lunch and i headed to target in brooklyn. just got back from the extravaganza of red swirls and spirals and feel pretty accomplished. got my necessities. the one nice thing nice about my room is it always feels like the holidays because i must have santa's workshop living above me (well at least i'd prefer that visual) because they are like always hammering their floor or walls or something which i don't understand or truly care to. it'd be nice if once they could stop when people try and sleep you know at night or something.

for f*cks sake

okay just discovered the best bio i think i've read via @frankenteen's twitter (which i am too embarrassed to unveil it's author you can use "the google" as bush would say to discover who's it is for yourself) he chose the following perfectly short but sweet description:

tall
awkward
canadian
actor
drummer
person

thank you for making my day and for f*cks sake

as i find myself gathering my mountains of items into a forced marriage with my suit cases i take pause as to gear up to return to the big city, the big apple, new york. i find the only way to truly prepare is to a mash up of new york state of mind by sir billy joel and the climatic scene at the start of glee's second season where the new directions, new direction is an embarrassingly lovable creation of a jay-z "classic" complete with gold rusting chains and most noticeably different rachel dawning tube socks and gold encrusted nikes rather than her adorable confused librarian frocks. but somehow watching and singing to this is less shameful that in it's "true form" a la jay-z and alicia keys. the new directions are complete with some hats backwards and forwards atop the glee clubbers heads and black tees with neon lettering in homage to the city- garb that no one who has lived there ever would even think about wearing even in the spirit of halloween.

but as i think about departing this city, san francisco or "cisco" if you will and what i've known to be home well the longest out of the string of places i've lived ranging from omaha, nebraska to texas, and my birth place of chi-town, i feel this new sense of home to a city that never sleeps and which i've learned is no exaggeration. and yet at 9 am tomorrow i'll be flying the friendly skies and thanks to virgin america with comfort of purple club lighting and chairs back to jfk, to snow and a place with traditional seasons. i feel a sense of ease in the midst of all the chaos, a rhythmic calm in the concrete jungle because well i am a new yorker she said "cooly" while chain smoking with fake glasses on (just kidding) really the only evidence that i'm a "native" is when i write my return address to my pen pals from my closet within the depths of manhattan. the only thing that i can say i've gained by living there is a love for the city and my unorthodox relationship with it. what's unique (among everything) about the city there is a very small (but that doesn't mean unimportant- i have to pick my words carefully here-) population of people who are truly born and raised here because we are mostly all "new"comers to the city of the new we mostly have other places we consider "home" many a day plane ride away and yet we all collect here in the beauty of the grit of the subway, in the parks yes where trees do exist, and falafel stands, coffee, cupcake, and pizza places with lines around the block on every block at every hour. it's a city you either hate, love or love to hate but i see it mostly as combination of all three. getting something like groceries requires whole systems to be designed to maximize movements to the some odd 40 cashiers. the only guarantee is never ending chaos and yet an organized chaos. i have to say i am psyched to return even to inches of a snow because i get to finally see the roomies and my fourth room mate the city. i look forward to going to bobst and skipping quietly through all the stacks. eating over priced ukranian food and completing my amish quilt puzzle that i received for xmas only just the best combo of my fav things that is as long as the snow doesn't keep me out or from the air train and LIRR.

for f*cks sake

things that i've always wondered about and never once understood: just to name a few...
-how we get away with calling our (in that no other country participates) baseball championships the world series
-why there is braille at drive through windows
-on that topic why there are drive through starbucks- you seriously can't step out of your car a moment to order a mocha frappa-whatever-chino loaded with toxic syrups that mask the in fact tastless coffee.
-random phonetic debacle: i was truly shocked to discover that marshm(e)llows are actually spelled marshmAllows almost melted down in the trader joes aisle
-why juno started a trend of teen pregnancy shows, couldn't we have just left it with ellen page and paul bleeker? (so I wouldn't be so emotionally scarred) and now it's acceptable for it to be plastered all over the evening tv schedules
-how we can call country music such when one there are plenty of countries beyond ours that has music and two we aren't the only one with a country side.
-how mtv can still be called music television when there's never music playing on it's joke of a channel
-who decided it was a good idea to make skin colored band aids didn't realize there was way too much variation to match everyone's skin tone well
-why are doctor's always considered practicing could I get a doctor that's done practicing and has mastered the trade or something?
-have you ever wondered if by being so sticky if a lint roller is counter productive sure it takes the multitude of cat hair off my leggings but does it actually leave a small trace of stick that then inherently attracts more hair?
-in this country if we've had defenses like the twinkie, god told me to, how is that we haven't heard of a case of CSI or Law and Order made me do it- i mean they practically teach you how
-how sarah palin landed a slot on the "learning" channel

for f*cks sake

twilight takes over everything even my beloved glee:

now i will slip away from my normal stage of strange stories of my days in the big apple to something a little more substantial. sarah tweeted today that she sends her prayers and condolences to the victims of the arizona shooting which is something nice to show that she may actually be a member of the human race, beyond the proof she repeatedly provides us by being a "good" mom and a "true " american oh and a feminist (saying this while winking us to death). which is interesting considering she sells her children to The Learning Channel weekly and talks about the evils of the media while subjecting herself and her entire family to it by choice all over national television. while also subjecting alaska to be on the map in people's minds for all the wrong reasons and constantly making blanket statements like "if you grew up in alaska" you definitely did this as she hits a halibut in the face with something resembling a baseball bat. but we can go past all of these strengths of palin but what we cannot surpass is the insighting violence the tea baggers (which is an organization palin enjoys associating herself with) preach with the right to bare arms and other monikers from the constitution that they've never actually read and if they tried wouldn't understand even with a webster dictionary on their end table next to their american flag coasters. but it's amazing to me that you can be a great mother and role model for females when you encourage lashing out against against your supposed constituents. thanks for the bi-partisanship sarah, oh maybe you just can't see that from your house.


example:




truly for F*CKS sake

sorry i couldn't be the only one living with this image in their horrified mind



thank you world for never ceasing to give me things to write about, oh wait not just from the world but from the center of the world the jersey shore. the only thing that i can be shore about any more is that anything can sell here in these united states ms. snooki has decided to share with all the inquiring intellectuals of this universe her secrets in her new "book" shore thing. now the snookster may be a pathetic manifestation of our "pop" culture but what's more terrifying are her fans. here's a clip that i discovered on huff po when i was trying to read the news (boldy going where no one goes anymore).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB-gYCfL0wo&feature=player_embedded

for f*cks sake photos of the week





the "poets" a band of old men worthy of a photo hanging in the steam town mall in scranton (nowhere) PA. literally saw it with own eyes.



i don't know what's better about this: one that demi lovato has a brand at target, two that they thought her fake character name would sell more tween clothing, third that it's already on sale, or fourth most importantly that they thought that even 9 dollars on sale that these slimmin' tween jeans would sell.



thanks target for helping a girl feel better when she's down, though if it'd be better to just head to their frozen aisle and pick up a gallon of their fav ice cream (me i'd get mint chip but it has to be unrealistically fluorescent green to be effective)



only at five below could this delicious game be ready and waiting on the shelf to complete your family game night



yes... 90's vest that of the like that keely from phil of the future would have rocked with turtleneck and a tank top over it that wouldn't match even when if you squinted hard.



only in america could you sell fake money by the cashier and that someone would buy it. thank goodness i don't have facebook so i wasn't tempted to gave to this treat amongst all the packets of gum.



only in new york city could you find chocolate at this price per pound that actually- sells...



thanks to the makers of monopoly for running out of topics to put a twist on this classic family game night game but i just have one question how can you know whether Jesus was a guy who spent his friday nights with his apostles playing board games?



last but not least thank you to the makers of eclipse gum for being so original with advertising. while fulfilling every tweens dream for chewing gum (and me).