as i find myself gathering my mountains of items into a forced marriage with my suit cases i take pause as to gear up to return to the big city, the big apple, new york. i find the only way to truly prepare is to a mash up of new york state of mind by sir billy joel and the climatic scene at the start of glee's second season where the new directions, new direction is an embarrassingly lovable creation of a jay-z "classic" complete with gold rusting chains and most noticeably different rachel dawning tube socks and gold encrusted nikes rather than her adorable confused librarian frocks. but somehow watching and singing to this is less shameful that in it's "true form" a la jay-z and alicia keys. the new directions are complete with some hats backwards and forwards atop the glee clubbers heads and black tees with neon lettering in homage to the city- garb that no one who has lived there ever would even think about wearing even in the spirit of halloween.

but as i think about departing this city, san francisco or "cisco" if you will and what i've known to be home well the longest out of the string of places i've lived ranging from omaha, nebraska to texas, and my birth place of chi-town, i feel this new sense of home to a city that never sleeps and which i've learned is no exaggeration. and yet at 9 am tomorrow i'll be flying the friendly skies and thanks to virgin america with comfort of purple club lighting and chairs back to jfk, to snow and a place with traditional seasons. i feel a sense of ease in the midst of all the chaos, a rhythmic calm in the concrete jungle because well i am a new yorker she said "cooly" while chain smoking with fake glasses on (just kidding) really the only evidence that i'm a "native" is when i write my return address to my pen pals from my closet within the depths of manhattan. the only thing that i can say i've gained by living there is a love for the city and my unorthodox relationship with it. what's unique (among everything) about the city there is a very small (but that doesn't mean unimportant- i have to pick my words carefully here-) population of people who are truly born and raised here because we are mostly all "new"comers to the city of the new we mostly have other places we consider "home" many a day plane ride away and yet we all collect here in the beauty of the grit of the subway, in the parks yes where trees do exist, and falafel stands, coffee, cupcake, and pizza places with lines around the block on every block at every hour. it's a city you either hate, love or love to hate but i see it mostly as combination of all three. getting something like groceries requires whole systems to be designed to maximize movements to the some odd 40 cashiers. the only guarantee is never ending chaos and yet an organized chaos. i have to say i am psyched to return even to inches of a snow because i get to finally see the roomies and my fourth room mate the city. i look forward to going to bobst and skipping quietly through all the stacks. eating over priced ukranian food and completing my amish quilt puzzle that i received for xmas only just the best combo of my fav things that is as long as the snow doesn't keep me out or from the air train and LIRR.

for f*cks sake