oh for f*cks sake (shorts) of the week

went to target in brooklyn today with the room mates. on the way out of the red warehouse was stopped by two motherly figures whom asked "are you jewish?" i of course said yes (even though i'm not) and they dotingly took candles out of their matching rite aid plastic bags. attached to the candles was a pamphlet titled "a jewish woman's guide to lighting shabbat candles". i was engulfed in euphoria and confusion.

i realize how long it's been since i've shaved when i can feel my leg hair through my matching pocketed flannel dog pajamas. as my aunt dinah always says "if you can braid it you outta shave it", i never really understood what she meant till now when i look down at my lower half and see a friendly hippie man in a tie die tee and birkenstock's head.

you know you've hit a low when you burn microwave popcorn.